Featured Article

ADD / ADHD Children : Being Your Child's Best Friend
 by: Kate Hufstetler

Do you live with an ADD / ADHD child? If so-- my hat is off to you! ADD / ADHD children are brilliant, full of energy, smart as a whip (as grandma says), and tons of work. They are also the rising sun and the setting star: meaning much of life revolves around them in one way or another. One tactic you might employ is to: be your child's best friend.

Hear me out just a bit. I am not promoting parents in "jammies" all day-- everyday, messy homes filled with increasing whirlwind clutter that no-one attends to, nor hot dogs and pizza nightly just to avoid more arguing with an ADD / ADHD child. I am suggesting the reminder we all need with these special needs children: keep perspective.

And yes-- try thinking along the lines of being best friends with your child.

Best friends are people who look out for the best interest of another.

Best friends have a special tolerance for each other.

Best friends set aside time to truly know each other and how each other thinks and feels.

Best friends stand up for one-another, for their rights, their feelings, their health, and their needs.

Best friends look forward to more time together.

Best friends cherish each other dearly.

Best friends also speak the truth and help guide each other along the journey of life together.

Here are more simple reminders that we easily forget when caught up in our daily grind. I hope they will help from time to time with your ADD / ADHD parenting:

• Remember to keep the rules-- but not TOO many rules all at once... all the time!
• Schedule FUN
• Stop being organized now and then to ad-lib and make delight shine for you both again!
• Yes-- even with medicated kids some days are suddenly going to be worse than others.
• This is physiological-- remember?
• You are the expert in his/her eyes. Provide correction and consequences accordingly.
• Use notebooks, or better yet email, to communicate with the teacher daily.
• It is no fun for the ADD / ADHD child to be "wrong" or in trouble so much of the day-- catch him/her being good!!
• With young ADD / ADHD children try picture charts on the wall for daily routines to follow.
• Your child needs extra reminders, extra chances, extra love, and extra encouragement (so do you!!)
• Read The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell.
• Know the educational rights in your school district and utilize each and every one of them :-)
• Be patient with the child, your mate, and especially yourself.
• Tenderness and politeness goes a long way with these precious ones.
• These kids love to be helpful-- utilize it, just don't seek perfection :-)

  and finally:

• * DON'T go It  ALONE! Enlist the help of extended family, friends, neighbors, associates, playmate families, medical professionals, and perhaps a coach for sanity.

Two myths that existed when I was a child:

• The first was that the parents were always right and had all the answers.
• The second one was that "You can have it all, baby".

Well, as a parent-- I know the first is NOT true. And as a working mom-- the second is out the door as well (or at least the romanticized fantasy version of it is).

• You are a parent-- do your best.
• Learn every day.
• Ask for forgiveness.
• And cherish this relationship.

You can design your life-- You are a parent, and an individual. You have to pick and choose which elements will be incorporated within it, and, how you want it to run.

Your child needs love, fun, consideration, truth, honesty, openness, and the gentle/firm guidance that best friend's can give without damaging or straining the relationship. You already have so many different hats to wear all day for your various roles. Being your child's best friend might simplify some of that. Give it a try.

Enjoy these years and enjoy your ADD / ADHD child !!!!

Until next time--- all the best,

Kate